Mass Confusion
by Angie010
Summary: This story takes place after the events of Mass Effect 2, Anderson is having a 'Celebration' for Shepard's defeat of the Collector Base. But not everything is fun and games when she bumps into Kaidan and some other unexpected events.  Bio-ware Owns all
1. Chapter 1

Between Mass Effect 2 and Mass Effect 3

The Celebration-

Looking at myself in the mirror I shrugged a little. Thinking to myself, what am I going to wear? This celebration for yet another victory against the Reapers was Anderson's idea. He invited everyone from the Normandy. Not to my surprise Jack had something better to do. Wrex, although he wanted to come, just to make fun of me being in a dress, (from what I had heard) had travelled back to Tuchunka, and Legion, well; let's just say he didn't want to frighten any innocent people. As for the rest of the crew, from what I heard are attending. I'm just hoping this celebration will be over in a matter of minutes. I was never fond of the whole formal dressing up thing. But he was going to be there. And I _had_ to see him again, no matter the cost.

_-Memories of Kaidan flood through my mind-_

_The night before Ilos…_

_I could feel his warm arms around my tense body, his lips caressing my cheek, while whispering lovely words in my ear that sent chills running down my spine. Making him extremely irresistible to me I grab his face in between my hands and passionately kissed his soft luscious lips. As I feel his grip tightening around my waist... a heavy moan escapes my mouth…_

"…Shepard? Shepard?"

Dammit daydreaming again, I looked at her and gave her a slight nod. This time Miranda just let it go, not the usual response. But she's under some stress trying to 'glam' me up. Her words, not mine.

Miranda and I have gotten really close since she sided with me after my decision to destroy the Reaper base, rather than handing it over to the Illusive Man. I guess people can change and evolve.

She made me slip into a long elegant deep purple dress which hugged my curves. The dress had a slit on the side which travelled up past my knee to the middle of my thigh, I thought it was a bit risqué but she demanded it was sexy. Ugh just want I need, sexy. Not to mention the back of the dress stooped lower than I wanted. I swear, if Miranda puts me through this again, I will have to knock her unconscious or something.

"But this is just not me Miranda. I feel too…. Slutty and this dress is way too revealing."

"Oh Shepard, you look stunning, just look at yourself in the mirror and really open your eyes. It's like that dress is meant for you and this night. You don't want to disappoint me now do you? We all know you are a strong woman who takes charge and initiative, you owe this to yourself! And plus, YOU LOOK GORGEOUS!"

The corner of her lips turned up and she gave me this smart ass look, and that's when I knew she wasn't lying to me. I took her advice and really looked at myself in the mirror. Opened my eyes…

I saw a lady who wasn't fit to be in that dress, but because Miranda tried so hard to 'glam' me up, I found it within me to give her the satisfaction she oh so wanted. I grinned and let out a soft laugh, while Miranda on the other hand gave me an 'I told you so' look.

"Yea, yea, whatever! I guess you have yet another talent up your sleeve don't you? Ughh, let's get this over with plleeease!"

"Lighten up commander; we have half an hour until we have to be downstairs. That leaves time for me to get ready. Please, Sheppard, don't ruin my efforts of making you look stunning." She gave me a quick wink and was on her way.

I haven't seen him or spoken to him since Horizon. It has been close to a year since the reunion. And all I can think about was how angry and furious he was with me for working with Cerberus. But like Garrus said, he wasn't looking at the big picture. How could he think I was a traitor, does he really think I would betray the Alliance, Betray him? I understand that it had been two years, and he thought I was dead, along with the rest of the galaxy. But those were two years that I had no control over!

_-Memories of trying to wake up at Cerberus-_

_A man with a deep voice was speaking._

"…_We'll have to do something about those scars."_

_English, no Australian accent, and it came from a woman._

"_That's not our main issue here."_

_I began to move slightly, trying to get up, my vision was blurry and every muscle in my body ached of pain I had never felt before, excruciating._

"_S – She's waking up hurry get over here and sedate her!" _

_I slowly slipped back into the nightmares I had just woken up from._

A few minutes had passed and I was exhausted from all the memories rushing back to me. I glanced over at his picture, still propped up where I left it before leaving for the suicide mission. Fondling the picture frame I began to wonder what exactly I was about to put myself through. What will he say? Will he even say anything to me? The real question I need to be asking is what am _I_ going to say to him?

Right at that moment Miranda came in smiling.

"So, what do you think?"

Turning once one way, and then once the other, showing off her short but very flattering dress. I was, speechless. She looked beautiful, stunning even. I always knew she was made to be perfection, but this dress really sold that bit.

"Damn, Miranda, make sure to save me a dance tonight."

"Hah! In your dreams Jacob! Shall we go Shepard?"

"Might as well."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:Kaidan

Walking through the mass of people in the hallway towards the celebration was, well, it was hell. People just stopped and stared, gawking at me, like they had never seen a woman in a dress before. I began to get annoyed and aggravated by all of the stares, and the people began to sense this. They turned and talked to their friends, but I could still see them starring over their companies shoulders. I tried my best to ignore the glances and kept moving towards the building where the celebration was taking place.

Miranda assured me that they were amazed by her perfect work she had done. I rolled my eyes, grinning, and shoved her away from me.

Although the stares bugged me, I realized I kind of liked this newfound attention I was receiving. It was something different. Reminded me of how Kaidan looked at me the first time I saw him aboard the Normandy. Where was he?

An hour had passed and I still hadn't spotted him yet. I began to get anxious and everyone around me noticed.

"I am sure he'll show up."

"What makes you so sure Miranda? In fact I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want to see me."

"…Because he loves you."

"Tali!

Shocked by her appearance, I gave her a hug. I hadn't seen her since the suicide mission. I think the reputation she got back home from working alongside Cerberus got to her, and she tried desperately to rid of it.

_-Memories of the last convo. with Tali-_

"_Shepard, I just can't stay here with you any longer. You have to understand. People back at home on the Migrant Fleet are starting to talk again, and I don't want to go through another hearing like the one we went through. I was just lucky I didn't get exiled from my home country. I-I have to go Shepard, I'm sorry. It was a pleasure serving alongside you again. Next mission be sure to stick with the Alliance if you want my help. Goodbye Shepard. Till next time._"

"I-I am surprised, I wasn't expecting you to be here today. What changed your mind?"

"A friend once told me that working with the enemy does not make you one of them, just makes you more aware of what your main objective is and what it takes to stay true to your honor and promises. Well, I missed that friend and had to come see her."

"Heh, I thought you had forgotten that. I was in a very, well-inspirational mood that day."

We began to catch up from the last time we saw each other, when Anderson was on stage tapping the microphone trying to receive everyone's attention. He began to thank everyone who showed up for the Celebration. It turned out being a huge hit, but I still hadn't seen him yet. And trust me I have been scanning everyone's face I came across. He must be avoiding me…

I felt someone nudging me, pushing me towards the stage, that's when I realized Anderson was calling me up. What was _this_ now, I had to give a toast, on stage, with dozens of eyes peering towards me, in this ridiculous dress. Well at least I get a better view of everyone.

I walk up towards the stage gracefully, holding a shy but sweet smile on my face. Knowing that everyone was staring at my bare back, I got that rush feeling I had earlier while walking with Miranda. Puzzled and confused I shoved it out of my head. I had a bigger problem, the stairs. How was I supposed to pull off walking in not only a dress, but high heels up those stairs? Oh god, please DO NOT trip.

And just my luck… I fumbled over my dress going up the stairs, but luckily Anderson was there to catch me.

He whispered to me, "Not like you to be wearing this attired Commander Shepard. Nonetheless, you look ravishing."

Instantly I began to blush, as he kissed both cheeks and stepped aside, leaving me in front of the huge crowd. What was this feeling in my stomach? Butterflies… was I nervous? What for, this is what I am best at, speaking in front of many people. I couldn't help but to be angry at Miranda for convincing me to put on this ridiculous dress. Speaking of which, where was she? I hadn't seen her since bumping into Tali, and that was over an hour ago.

Never mind, later.

As I glanced over the thousands of eyes staring at me, I began my toast.

And that's when I saw him, standing towards the back of the room. Leaned up against the bar table with a drink in hand and with this smirk on his face. Was he… checking me out? I quickly glanced away before having the chance to regret doing something stupid.

I quickly finished my toast and Anderson gave me another friendly embrace and just like that I was off the stage and everyone was back to talking again.

I desperately looked at the back room to see if he was still standing there, but he wasn't. I began walking towards the back, when I felt a tug on my arm. There he was.

"..Kaidan"

But before I could say any more he pulled me closer to his warm body and just held me there for what seemed like a lifetime, but was merely a couple seconds. Oh god, how I missed the feeling of being in his arms. His strong muscular arms which I knew would always protect me.

But then, I began to wonder, why is he hugging me? I thought he despised me, that's when I began to pull away. I glanced into his eyes and saw pain. I looked down for a brief moment then back at him.

"Shepard, you look…. Beautiful."

I couldn't say anything.

"I was contemplating whether or not to even show up to this thing. But then I realized, I couldn't leave things the way they were left back on Horizon. I just hope that you can forgive me for the things I said, the things I accused you of."

-_Memories of Horizon -_

"_You-you aren't the real Shepard I fell in love with! You're a fake! The real Shepard I knew, that I fell in love with, died two years ago."_

_Wait, did he just say he loved me? What's going on? This is not happening, why is he angry at me…?_

Goddamitt, I need to stop flashing back at inopportune times…

"Kaidan, I don't think this is the right place to be discussing this."

"No, you're right, what was I thinking; meet me at my apartment in half an hour."

"Okay."

I began to back away from him, when he lightly grasped my arm.

"Shepard, you _really_ do look beautiful tonight."

Why did he have to say that? Feeling my whole face quickly turn red, I spun around smoothly and walk the other direction. Half an hour, I can do this. I have to do this.

"Miranda, where have you been? Wh-what happened to you? You're bleeding."

"Shepard, I'll be fine but we need to get back to the hotel room, I'll explain when we get there."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Miranda

"Okay, start talking, what exactly happened to you? One minute you're by side talking with Tali, and the next you're gone. Just vanished."

"It's hard to explain... This, celebration, w-was not exactly what you thought it was."

"What _exactly_ do you mean, Miranda?"

"Well, since I officially resigned from Cerberus, they dropped the protection with my sister. I had to resort to using the Alliance for their help in protecting her and her family. Well today Anderson called me to his quarters and explained that there was an immediate threat towards my sister and her family. And the only way we could get a chance at stopping the threat, was if we held a distraction during the celebration, you."

"Me? What do you _mean_ me? How was I the distraction? As far as I was concerned there was no immediate threat during the Celebration."

"Shepard, you have to understand, this is hard for me."

"No! Actually Miranda, I don't, please _do_ help me understand though."

"The people who, threatened to harm my sister, are with Cerberus, th-they want to kill you too Shepard. They have been threatening the Alliance Council including Anderson for the past week about this, ever since we took down the Reapers. We didn't want you to look suspicious tonight in case you were to scare them off. But things just got bad. I was to go with Garrus and Samara to investigate the lead we had on these people, only to find a band Blue Suns Mercs surrounding the area. We decided that we couldn't ignore the lead so we attacked. It was a trap. Garrus barely got out alive, I was shot, and Samara… Well Samara was captured."

"Captured? By Cerberus? No, no, Samara… What exactly do you purpose we do, Miranda? Do we even know where Cerberus has taken her, she could be anywhere by now. She could be dead!" "I paused and took a deep breath, "This is never to happen again, if you or anyone on this crew has a lead, you guys have to trust that I can perform to the best of my abilities."

"Shepard, I suggested that we tell you from the beginning but Anderson wouldn't have it. He said you had gone through enough so far that you didn't need this on you tonight, not with… with Kaidan here."

"My _business_ with Kaidan is not to be reckoned with by my crewmates, that is my personal matter! And I think I have a right to know that one of my crewmate's families is in danger, and that I could be their next target."

"I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I screwed up; I didn't think you were up for the task. You looked drained and exhausted this morning. I-I just wanted you to have a good time tonight… Please Shepard, if I would have known, I wouldn't have held this from you."

Looking into her eyes I saw strain and the slightest hint of desperation. With that, I knew her feelings were genuine.

"I-I know, but this is not to happen again. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"Good, now what are our leads?"

At this moment Garrus stepped into Miranda's Apartment.

"Shepard, I'm sorry about Samara, I am here to provide my full assistance, considering that's the least that I could do for you now."

"It's okay, Miranda explained the situation."

"Right… I have gathered all of the information we had on the lead we went off on. It's in here."

He handed me the data pad. My eyes widened with shock as I read the intel they had gathered. According to the data pad the people who took Samara were not associated with the Blue Suns Mercs. It was much worse than that.

"No," I breathed out, barely able to catch my breath. "It can't be. She couldn't have. What is the meaning behind this?... Well, anyone care to share their opinion?"

"It came just as much of a shock to me as it did to you Commander," Garrus stated with his eyes looking to the ground.

"I honestly, didn't see it coming Shepard. I know how close she is-was to you. And I assure you I double checked, even triple checked the where we got the information. It seems to be true, Commander," Miranda also couldn't hold my gaze for more than a second while explaining.

"I just don't understand what would make Liara do this to me, after everything we've been through, after everything I trusted her with. She was my friend. No, I am not going to assume anything until we track her down and talk face to face with her," barely containing my anger, I desperately reach out for a drink from my glass I set aside earlier, downing the whole thing.

"That's going to be harder than you think Commander. She has gone silent. She's disappeared, completely." She slowly breathed in. "But I will talk to Anderson and set up a team with him to search every single source he has along with what we have and track something down." Her gaze seemed to harden towards the end of her speech. I smiled at that, knowing that she fully intended to bring justice. With that said she excused herself out of the apartment radioing EDI for help.

I simply sat there, blown away from the information that I had just received. I barely noticed Garrus still standing there, intently staring at me. I glanced over at him about to say something when EDI interrupted my train of thought.

"Commander, Alenko has been desperately trying to find you, considering it has been an hour passed the time you said you would meet him. I strongly recommend talking to him. He could provide us with some valuable information regarding Liara's whereabouts."

"Shit! I forgot, where is he now EDI?"

"He's waiting here aboard the Normandy in your cabin."

"Tell him I'll be there in five."

"Will do Commander."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for the reviews so far! Please keep them coming! I appreciate them, they can help me improve my writing. Any suggestions or ideas feel free to let me know them. I will try to post on a regular basis but school and work gets in the way. Being a College student can get a bit frustrating, nonetheless, here's Chapter 4! Enjoy! **

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><p>Chapter 4: Cabin<p>

"Shepard, you can't be serious!" Garrus looked at me with such concern that only a close friend would have.

"Garrus, just-just stop."

"What do you mean, 'just stop' you and I both _know_ what he put you through after Horizon. And now you are just going to waltz back into his arms?" He folded his arms, concern still spread all over his face.

I didn't reply, instead I stood up from the bed, gathered my things, and headed for the door behind him. When I was inches away from the opening the door, Garrus grabbed my arm lightly, holding me in place. The least I could do was acknowledge what my friend had to say, a friend who listened to my pain, anger, and frustration I felt day after day following the events of Horizon.

"Shepard, I know what you went through, you came to me and asked for my _personal _advice. I told you what to do, and this, this is not it. I- I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

He shuffled his feet and intently looked at my face until his eyes finally met mine.

"Garrus, thank you for being a good friend when I needed one. But, right now, what I need the most is to personally sort things out with him. Whether that may be the right decision or not, is none of your concern, its mine. This may be my one and only chance to explain myself to him, explain what exactly happened the past couple years. I _do not_ want to lose him on the terms we are on now. You, of all people should understand the situation I am placed in."

My shoulders sagged slightly thinking about what was about to be said when I reached the Normandy. I let out a sigh, and looked up at Garrus. His face no longer held concern, but rather, acknowledgment with a hint of worry mixed in. I instantly looked away towards the door.

"I have to go Garrus."

He looked down at his hand which was still clutching my arm; he slowly released his grip and glanced up towards my face. Releasing a heavy sigh, he gave me a forced smile.

"Go, leave, go talk to him, sort things out. But just so you know, if he so much as makes you shed one tear, I swear-"

"Thank you Garrus." With that I practically sprinted out of the room and through the hallway until I reached the stairs. That's when I realized I was still wearing heals. I stripped them off as quickly as my hands let me and began my journey down the stairs, out of the apartment complex, through the crowded streets of the Citadel, and finally back to where the Normandy was ported. Without even a moments rest I ran to the door, stepped into the decontamination section. I knew it took a while to decontaminate, but I never realized how slow it actually was. This began to frustrate me, tapping my foot repeatedly until the process finally over and the door to the Normandy slid open. Joker looked at me with surprised eyes and yelled towards my now sprinting body.

"I never thought it see the day that you looked so….."

I didn't hear the rest of what he said, by then I was already by the elevator, and quite frankly I didn't give a rat's ass of what his smart remark was. The only thing on my mind was getting to the elevator so I could get to my personal cabin, where the man I have been longing to see was probably waiting impatiently for me to step through my door.

A thought rushed through my mind as the elevator began its journey up to the fourth floor. Kaidan was in my room, _alone_. I wonder what he thought of it.

"Shit, the photo."

The elevator door slid open and I stepped out into the mini hallway. Looking down at my hands which were still holding my heels, I took a deep breath.

"You can do this Shepard, you have to do this."

I smoothed down my dark brown hair, fixed my dress zipper, which after all of the running happened to be zipped open partially, wiped the sweat off my forehead and I slowly began to walk into the cabin.

I peered in, confused. Why were the lights turned off? Then I realized the only answer to my question, migraine. I quietly walked deeper into my cabin trying not to make any disrupting noises. For all I knew he was probably resting on my couch waiting until I arrived. I set down my heels by my small closet.

"Aria?" his voice was barely above a whisper.

I jumped at the sound of him saying my first name. He hadn't said it since that night before Ilos. Hearing him say it now, sent chills running down my spine. I spun around and saw him sprawled on my couch. I began to slowly walk over to the edge of my bed and sat down facing him.

"Yeah, it's me. Are you alright?" Concern flushed across my face as his features began to notably show in the dark, he noticed.

"It's just a minor migraine, nothing too serious. When did you get an AI on board the ship? I thought they were illegal?"

Just as he said this EDI popped up and asked if we wanted to brighten the lights a bit. I replied with a simple yes and returned my focus to Kaidan.

"The Illusive Man thought it would be a wise addition to the new Normandy. She definitely saved our asses a couple of times. She was the one who initially set up the GUARDIAN towers back on…" I couldn't finish the sentence. Quickly glancing down at my bare toes, which were painted a deep purple matching the color of the dress I was wearing.

He didn't say a word. Just simply looked at me, trying to read and understand the emotions which were running through my every nerve. Lust, attraction, fear, loss, hope, anxiety, but most of all, _love_.

I looked up at him, really taking in his face, he aged since I last saw him. Wrinkles on his forehead became more prominent. Dark circles underneath his eyes began to form. I could only think, was this because of what I put him through, the stress of him losing me yet another time to an organization we both despised. I shook that thought away. Finally after a few moments of staring at one another he spoke.

"Shepard, Aria. I-I am so, extremely sorry. About everything, everything I said to you. My intentions were not to hurt you or harm you in any way. That was the last thing I wanted to do. But the pain, of seeing you in front of me, made me confused and furious and seeing Garrus didn't help much at all. Thinking that you left me for him, wondering why you didn't ask me to join you, but instead you resorted for his help. All which were selfish, selfish thoughts I had. And looking back at it, I made a complete ass out of myself.

His voice began to rise.

"But, everything I said, I said for a reason. I hadn't spoken or seen you for Two years, Shepard. TWO WHOLE YEARS. I ran my life thinking you were dead. You _do not_ know what that did to me. I shut down, completely. A glance in the wrong direction would send memories flooding into my mind about moments we shared, and I grew angry with myself, frustrated. I couldn't help but blame myself for losing you. If I would have just not listened to you and force you to come with me to the evac. shuttle."

He took in a deep breath, I didn't interrupt, I just let him spew everything out that he needed to say. I owed him that much. For once I realized just how much pain he had lived through. I couldn't help it when tears started to form, making my eyes water. I tried blinking them back, but they ended up just gliding down my cheeks and slowly stopping to the edge of my chin. Not bothering to whip them off. I sat there staring at him waiting for more.

Nothing, not a single word escaped his lips. Instead he started to get up from the couch. At first he walked towards the bathroom, what seemed like in frustration but then he swiftly walked back towards me, sat down on the bed and slowly placed his hand underneath my chin and raised it so he could look into my eyes. But I couldn't look into them; instead I kept my eyes steady on the floor.

He slowly began to lean into my face. I didn't resist him. I had been wanting to kiss him for such a long time, that I just couldn't fight it any longer. I felt his warm breath against my lips, his scent filled my lungs. His lips were inches away from touching mine; I slipped my hands into the back of his hair, when suddenly out of nowhere the com for my room went off.

"Uh… Commander. Sorry to interrupt."

"Dammit Joker," Kaidan whispered with obvious frustration.

I couldn't help but laugh at the all too familiar interruption. I took in Kaidan's face and just stared at him, smiling a sweet genuine smile before responding.

"Joker."

"I know you were, uh, busy… but I wouldn't interrupt unless it was an emergency. And, well, you better get down here Shepard."

"On my way."

I looked over at Kaidan which by now was over by the empty fish tank.

"I tried my best to keep them alive, but it just didn't happen" I let out a small laugh, along with a sigh.

He turned to face me with his adorable half smile that always seemed to melt a part of my heart.

"You'd better get down there. It sounds pretty serious. I don't want to keep them waiting on you. We can carry this on later."

I walked over to him, slipped my hand into his, fitting like an all too familiar puzzle piece.

"You're coming with me. Of course, after I change out of this ridiculous dress."

"I don't know, I kind of like that dress on you. I could get used to seeing you in one." He let out a chuckle as I rolled my eyes obnoxiously.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all of the reviews! They are as always, much appreciated. :] Sorry for not updating quicker, I got writers block, and started working on another story. It's a One Shot that I am nearly done with. So far I am pretty proud of how that one is coming along. With that said, heres another chapter with Anderson popping in to stir up some excitement! **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>When in the elevator, I realized that something was off, Kaidan was on edge and I could feel the tension in the space between us. He gently squeezed my hand in his. The ride felt like it took a century traveling down to the CIC. Finally the door opened, I let go of Kaidan's hand and practically sprinted out of the elevator towards the cockpit where Joker summoned me. As I walked up the small flight of stairs I saw Anderson standing there shifting from one foot to the other. I shot a glance towards Kaidan, curiosity as well as dread was plastered over his face. It almost seemed like he knew what Anderson was going to tell me. He glanced over at me and gave me a reassuring smile and then turned his gaze towards Anderson.<p>

"Commander Shepard. I am glad to see you again. Is there anywhere we can talk privately? Alone?" Anderson's face said it all. He was worried and concerned. He glimpsed over towards Kaidan and nodded to him, I could sense whatever he needed to tell me was not going to be good.

"Of course, right this way."

Kaidan shifted on his feet and seemed as though he really wanted to tag along, but he knew better. He stood there and leaned against Jokers chair, which annoyed the pilot some. I led Anderson towards the elevator, great another long ride in silence. As the doors opened to the mini hallway I activated the door to my room and led him inside.

"EDI, sweep the entire room, make sure ever connection, camera, and anything else that could essentially compromise this meeting is either shut off or destroyed. Oh and, if anyone asks for me let them know I am not to be disturbed."

A few seconds had passed.

"Commander, I did a full sweep, and your room seems to be fit for your private conversation. And I will hold off any requests made to speak to you."

"Thank you EDI. That is all for now."

"Logging you out Shepard."

I glanced over at Anderson who was wringing his hands nervously. He realized I was looking and instantly stopped. Straightening his back, he finally spoke.

"Shepard, Aria, I know you know that I have been helping Miranda out lately, with her family situation."

"Yea, sorry to say, but I found that a bit odd. Considering last time we talked about her, you were almost shouting at me. I got the message that she wasn't your favorite of my crewmembers."

"And I apologize for shouting, but I didn't do that out of pure anger and dislike, I did it because I was trying to protect you. I hadn't liked the fact that you had gotten so close to her on a personal level. Regardless, the reason why I was so fond of helping her out was because I was investigating her and her ties with Cerberus. Apparently with the intel I gathered, she never officially resigned from the foundation." He took a deep breath, concern flushed across his face. "Shepard, she's still working for the enemy."

I took a step back leaning against the edge of my desk, suddenly I needed something to support me, otherwise I was sure I'd fall down. Anger rushed over me, clearly showing on my face because Anderson quickly said something.

"I can show you the reports we have on her if you need to confirm this yourself."

I couldn't speak for a moment, I should have figured that bitch hadn't had changed. And here I was, believing the crap she fed to me. How could I be so naive and stupid and so damn gullible, Goddammit.

"Yes… I'd like to look at them, EDI what can you tell me about this? Is it true?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny these assumptions Shepard."

"EDI, who runs this ship? Is it me or Miranda?"

"You Commander."

"Which means, you answer to me. Now, do you have any evidence backing what Anderson has told me?" Anger was slowly creeping into my tone.

"Yes Commander. According to my records, Miranda has been blocking all video and audio feeds in her private quarters for a considerable amount of time. There happens to be a patter in the length of time for the blockings. My assumptions are that she communicates with the Illusive Man for no more than 2-3 minutes. This leaves barely enough time for me to override her jam. Unfortunately that is all the information I have for you, Commander.

"Thank you EDI." I took a deep breath, refocusing on Anderson's eyes. "So what are you suggesting we do about this situation?"

"Well, there's one more thing Alliance intel found out. We have a lead on where Samara might be held. I don't know exactly why Miranda chose her out of the members of your group, but she must know something that could be used to convince you to join Cerberus again. That's my only assumption. Nonetheless, we haven't quite understood the meaning behind capturing her."

I was just as confused as Anderson was. I had no clue as to why Samara… but I was about to find out.

"Where are the coordinates?"

"Our intel said they spotted some 'out of the ordinary suspicious' activity back on Omega. I suggest you start looking there. I know you have somewhat of an ally there, Aria T'Loak, maybe you should start by asking her some questions. As for Miranda, I suggest you act like you don't know any different and that you two are still good friends. I know that might post as a challenge given the information I just gave you, but it is our best shot at taking her down along with saving Samara. I advise you keep her on the ship when you go to Omega." Anderson shot a smile towards me but it didn't extend to his eyes. His eyes held another story. A sad pleading one, that hoped that all of this would soon be over. I realized just how much he had aged over the past few years. It was heartbreaking. I glanced towards the door.

"Spotting 'out of the ordinary suspicious activity' on Omega, must have been a challenge. You completely sure that's where I should start?" Doubt crossed my mind, Omega wasn't the first place I wanted to head back to, but it did fit the bill.

"As sure as I'll ever be. I know you might be thinking that everything that occurs on Omega is distrustful, but this… this could be a great lead to follow. And quite frankly, it's the only lead you've got."

I nodded in agreement and I led him out of my room. Then I realized Kaidan was still aboard my ship.

"W-what about Staff Commander Alenko? What is going to happen to him?"

Anderson paused, shifted to face me, and began to speak.

"Staff Commander Alenko, will be accompanying you aboard the Normandy to keep a close eye on Miranda. He had already been informed about this information before he had stepped foot on your ship." He paused, the formality slightly leaving his voice. "He's a good soldier Shepard, and I'd like him to stay that way. Taking him away from you yet again would only damper his performance. With that said, he's stationed here effective immediately."

This time his smile had glowed and his eyes mirrored the same image. Thinking I knew exactly what was going on in his mind. I gave him a small smirk and a light laugh, shaking my head.

"Thank you." Was all I could muster out. I owed so much to Anderson, I just wish there was a way that I could show him. I couldn't help but feel bad for him. It must have been hard keeping what happened between me and Kaidan back on the first Normandy, to himself.

With that I lead him out of the room into the elevator. He glanced towards me, a smile reappearing across his face. I've seen that look before.

"So… how exactly are things between you and Kaidan? I didn't hear what happened back on Horizon, but his face said it all when he gave me a full report on his encounter with you. He seemed… distant, like he didn't want to be here, like he had regretted ever being placed on that assignment."

I didn't reply right away, I shuffled on my feet and made eye contact with Anderson before I finally spoke.

"It was… tough. It wasn't exactly the reunion I was hoping for. Some of the things he said really hurt me, stung. It was as if a huge fist punched into my gut then ripped every emotion I'd ever had regarding him out. Just like that," I took in a deep breath noticing that my voice started to quiver, "It took me a while to fully recover… actually, thinking about it now, I don't think I have, not yet at least. Even with him here within my reach, it still hurts sometimes. But my guess is that over time, the pain will dissipate and things will be normal again. Whatever normal is."

By this time I wasn't looking at Anderson anymore, I couldn't. I was showing a side of myself that I didn't wanted anyone to see. Not even Anderson. He realized this and just placed a soft hand upon my shoulder and squeezed it, reassuringly.

"I'm sure things will be great again between the two of you. You know I was and always will be rooting for the two of you and your relationship you share."

I looked up at him, showing a weak smile, "I hope so. You know I've never really gotten the chance to thank you for everything you've done for me. You have no idea what it means to have someone who will always be on my side. So, thank you."

Before he could reply, the elevator door swished open. He didn't really need to say anything though, because his eyes spoke what words could never cover. I motioned forward and we started walking towards the cockpit where I led him off the ship. Not before I gave him a final hug goodbye along with a formal salute.

"Joker, call everyone to the debriefing room a-sap. We have a mission to do."

"Yes ma'am. Oh, before you go, Miranda came up here asking for you. She seemed a bit… off. Could be my imagination, but I'd talk to her before you have your meeting with the rest of the crew."

"Hmm. Where's Alenko?"

"He's down in the med bay with Chakwas. Something about getting a migraine, such a baby if you ask me, can't even handle a slight headache." He scoffed.

I smacked him upside the head before making my way towards the elevator.

"Ouch, dammit, I am a fragile human being, Shepard!"

"Hey, I didn't ask you to insult my… Kaidan." I chuckled while turning around to flee the scene.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Emotions

I sat there beside the med bay bed that Kaidan was laying on, looking at his peaceful face sleeping. He looked extremely handsome, more so than I thought he could get. I placed my hand on his, realizing how much I missed his touch. I let out a sigh as Kaidan began to slowly open his eyes.

He turned his body on his side facing me and smiled. I swear I felt my heart melt in place. Oh god I miss him.

"Hello, beautiful." His fingers interlaced with mine.

I smiled at him and leaned closer to his face merely inches away from his lips. He let out a small sigh as he placed his hands on either side of my face and kissed me gently. All the tension throughout my body released with that one kiss. I didn't realize just how much I missed and needed him. I returned the kiss with more force slowly maneuvering on top of him. I pulled away but remained close to his face.

"I miss you; I miss your kisses…."I whispered.

He interrupted me by forcefully kissing me again; he began to part lips and slipped his tongue into my mouth and I could feel the hole in my heart begin to close up a bit. He pulled me tightly against his body and I complied without hesitation.

"Uhm, Commander. I-I'm sorry for interrupting…"

I felt my body jolt at the sound of the voice speaking to me. I hesitantly pulled out of the kiss and looked in the direction where the voice arrived from.

Doctor Chakwas was standing in the doorway, shock spread across her face along with embarrassment. I quickly took in what was going on as Kaidan began to push me off of him, clearly sharing the embarrassment. I let out a small giggle as I ascended off of Kaidan and leaned against the medical bed.

"Doctor, sorry, I uhm, well…" I had no words to explain what the doctor clearly just interrupted.

"It's okay you don't owe me an explanation. I'll just be on my way." She scurried past the two of us, grabbed a data pad, and made her way back to the AI core. She rarely ever went there, but my guess is that she needed to escape the awkwardness.

"Well, that was, interesting." Kaidan glanced over at me with a shy smile; one that I haven't seen since our relationship began, talking to him on the first Normandy.

"Hah, yea… At least it was Chakwas, it could have been worse, like Joker… He would have held this one against us for a long time." I walked over to the Doctors chair and sat down. I glanced over at Kaidan who seemed to be distracted by a distant thought. "So, getting back to business."

"Right, Uhm, how did the meeting with Anderson go? I wanted to be there, but my presence was unnecessary considering he told me exactly what he told you before I arrived on the Normandy."

He began walking towards the other chair and sat down beside me.

"Yea, he told me you knew, along with you being permanently stationed on my ship. I-I just don't know what to make of all of it. It seems… odd. Samara, I mean why her out of everyone she could have picked off." I glanced out the windows before continuing. "I guess the thing that really hurts me the most is the fact that she lied about not being with Cerberus all this time."

"Well what did you expect? The Illusive Man placed a lot of his efforts into her; I doubt he would have ever just let her quit out of the blue. Besides, she was his right hand man, his tool. He was protecting her family, what? Did you expect her to leave all of that behind? Once a person gets that devoted to a cause it's not likely they'll get out of it so easily."

I was taken aback by what he said, by how he said it, the pure honesty, and the richness within his voice. He's changed, matured, seems more _sure_ of himself now.

"I guess, I don't know, I guess I was expecting her to do as I did, follow my lead, I just wanted to save her. Take her away from such a horrible organization. Make her see that they are not the only choice. But I guess what I did didn't seem to help much." I glanced down at my hands, frustrated by the current situation I am placed in.

Kaidan grasped my hand gently, concerned eyes placed on mine. He didn't speak right away, but simply held my gaze.

"But you did help her. You placed the thought of leaving into her head. She now knows that there is a possibility of leaving, of joining you…"

Before I could respond, I saw Jacob sprinting towards our room through the window. He rushed through the door to the Med Bay, catching his breath before he spoke.

"Commander, Jack has Miranda in stasis and won't let her go. She claims that she knows what she is up to and won't let her threaten anyone on this ship. You've got to hurry Shepard, it looks bad!"

"Shit, how the hell…"

Kaidan flashed a face of concern as he pulled me up and we both sprinted to the com room. He knew exactly what this was about, and wasn't about to have Jack blow his cover. By the time the elevator made its way up to the com room, I had a blue aura surrounding my whole body, rage, furry, frustration ran through my muscles. Even if Jack knew, how could she go about the situation this way? She should have come to me first!

"Goddammit Jack." I whispered under my breath as the door swooshed open. I stalked over to the com room and immediately released my dark energy and pulled Jack towards me, as soon as I had her in my arms, I nodded towards Kaidan. He immediately placed a protective barrier bubble, much like how Liara did back when we first met her, around Miranda so she couldn't move but could still speak.

"What the hell is going on here?" I pushed Jack off of me and placed her up against the wall. "Jack, what has gotten into you? I thought you and Miranda had patched things up after the suicide mission. Tell me what the fuck this is all about!" My voice was loud, I was officially pissed off. "I did not know I was commanding a bunch of high school children."

Miranda began to protest. "Shepard! Get me out of this barrier! I am not the one who should be contained; it's that psycho bitch that should be!"

I gave her the darkest look I could muster, which seemed to shut her up quick. "It's for your own protection, Miranda." I looked over at Kaidan, which seemed to be just fine holding her up like he had been. He's obviously improved with his skills.

I glanced at Jack, waiting for a reply. "Well, so now you're quiet?"

"Shepard, she's a back stabbing two timing bitch! What did you expect me to do? I wasn't just going to sit around and wait for her next strike!"

"You better watch what you're going to say next!"

"What? Is that a threat cheerleader?" Jacks eyes narrowed down onto Miranda's complexion.

"What exactly are you talking about? What do you know that I don't?" Snapping Jack out from her cold gaze, I hope she doesn't know what Kaidan and I know. Or at least is smart about it.

Jack glanced nervously between me, Kaidan and Miranda. I could tell she was carefully scrutinizing the situation. Getting a complete grasp of the situation, she began to shuffle from one foot to the other. Finally she broke off from her distant gaze and shook her head before speaking.

"It's… it's nothing. I better go." She began to slip out of my grip and head for the door out of the com room. I glanced at Kaidan's face; shock plastered his expression, along with every other team member inside the room. Jacob crossed his arms and shook his head in disbelief. Surely he thought there was going to be some major damage done here. I began to slowly rush after Jack.

I exited the com room before actually pressuring Jack to stop.

"Jack, Jack! Stop. What was that back there? Care to explain yourself?" I grabbed a hold of her hand, but she ripped my grip away. Turning around to face me, she looked, concerned.

"I, I don't know, I think it's just me not getting enough sleep or some shit like that. I have been pacing a lot lately, I think I need to kill something, you know, rip the limbs off a body. I need some real action, and the only thing I could think of was going after that cheerleader bitch!" She tried hard to cover her tracks, but they were cemented into the ground from where I stood.

"Look Jack, I get it, you don't want to talk. At least not for now, but if you've got something you need to tell me that's important, then by all means say it to me! We've been through hell and back together, I'd think by now you would have some faith and trust in me. At least enough to tell me something that's bothering you," I paused, taking in her face. She seemed to weight her options carefully, taking in my words of encouragement, before plastering on her hard 'badass' façade. I began to turn around back to the com room. "You know where to find me if you need to talk privately."

* * *

><p>I walked into the com room where Miranda was still floating in the air. She and Kaidan had been arguing while Jacob was leaning against the wall not saying one word.<p>

"Let her go Kaidan, its fine. Jack isn't going to be joining us; she needs to have some time to herself. From this point on, we do not discuss what just happened in this room, is that clear? As far as you guys are concerned, it's none of your damn business as to how Jack reacted besides my own. As for you Miranda, following this meeting, I'd like to talk to you. Alone."

"Of course Commander." She nodded her head and smiled slightly.

Everyone remained silent, waiting for me to proceed. I took in a deep breath before telling them of our next stop, Omega. Surprisingly no one protested like I had been expecting. Garrus who did not speak a word during the debacle simply nodded every once in a while during my explanation of the mission. Miranda sifted nervously between her feet, as expected, while Tali just stood next to Kaidan, expressionless, from what I could see. I wonder what her face looks like outside her mask. I quickly shook that thought out of my head.

"Does anyone have any questions about this mission? This is our greatest lead that we have received yet, we have got to be on our best behavior, and don't try to act like the hero, we go about this cautiously and calmly. This is our one shot," I looked around the room at all of my team members and nodded my head to each one of them, "Dismissed!"

Everyone began to file out of the room, while Miranda remained inside for our talk. Kaidan waited until he was the last to leave. He pulled me aside by the door out of Miranda's range.

"You sure you don't want me here with you, just in case?" He held a concerned look in his eyes, one I knew so well.

"I'll be fine Kaidan, nothing I haven't dealt with before. Could you do me a favor though? Send a message to Anderson, explaining the… Situation."

With that, he simply nodded and walked out of the room. Leaving me alone with the last person I wanted to talk to right now. I let out a heaving sigh before turning to face my enemy.

"So, care to explain what exactly happened here? And please, be extremely precise on the details. It never hurts to be exact." My tone was unconsciously too harsh and she noticed picking up on the brutality.

"What's there to explain? The psycho bitch stalked into the com room, where you sent for us, and just placed me in a stasis."

"That's it, just like that, there was no reason or inclination that may have forced or pushed her to harming you that way?" My patients began to quaver; I spoke before she could answer my question. "Oh please Miranda, how _dumb_ do you think I am? Do I have stupid written on my forehead? Now tell me what _happened_."

I could visibly see her swallow slowly. She was nervous, seemed like she thought I was onto her. But quickly she resolved her presence. "I was standing here in the corner pacing, thinking about the situation we are in and how we can find Samara, when behind me the door opens. At first I didn't notice it, but Jack was furious, dark energy was emanating from her body as she glared at me through small slits from her eyelids. She began to say she knew, she knew what I had been hiding. I looked at her dumbfounded and confused. I had no clue what she meant by her comment. I pursued to calm her down but she placed me into a slam followed by the stasis." She took a breath before continuing her side of the story.

"At that moment Jacob came in. He quickly adjusted to the scene and tried getting Jack to back off, but the sight of him merely made her even more pissed off. That's when he left and my guess went running for your help. If you hadn't had came when you did, I'm sure she would have seriously injured or even killed me."

"Jacks a lot of things, but she wouldn't kill someone I trust." The last part of the sentence stung the back of my throat and barely made it out as a whisper.

"I'm not too sure about that one, Shepard." She gave me a weak smile. As much as I hated her right now, she did look like she'd been through hell and needed a long nap. Luckily she won't be accompanying us on the mission. I mentally smiled to myself.

"Well, thank you for your honesty. And I'm sorry you had to go through all of that… You look, awful. You should get some rest. I'm ordering you to not accompany me on this mission. You are to stay here on the Normandy and get some rest."

"Shepard, please, I am fine, you really don't have to do that…"

"I insist!" Knowing fully that the protest was to come out, I nodded my head, and proceeded out of the com room. As the doors shut behind me, I leaned up against the wall and released a long deep breath that I didn't notice I was holding in. Was I that nervous? God, I'm getting weak.

* * *

><p>As the elevator door opened I heard voices out by the kitchen. I slowly inched my way around the wall trying to get close enough to hear who exactly would be up this late at night.<p>

"Tali, what do you want me to do? Go up to Shepard and pronounce my feelings to her? It's never going to happen, especially now that Kaidan is on board the Normandy. Come on Tali get real."

_Garrus? What was Garrus talking about? He, he has feelings for me? I better avoid this conversation._ I snuck past the two and quickly darted into the med bay with my back to the door keeping my eyes on them. Sure, they would hear the door swish open but I needed to escape overhearing anymore of that conversation. I felt like I was intruding on something personal, like walking in on someone undressed. Just felt wrong and very, uncomfortable. As I was backing into the med bay, with quickness in my step, I tripped over something that was in my path, falling straight on my back. I closed my eyes in pain not registering who or what it was that I tripped over.

"Shepard, are you okay?"

Kaidan's deep voice rang in my ears. I quickly opened my eyes and took in the scene. Kaidan was hovered over me with a concerned look. He grabbed my hands and began to pull me up, but I protested and forced him on top of me. He let out a deep breath as he willingly lay there on my body, carefully making sure he wasn't placing his whole weight upon me.

"You know what?"

"Mmm?" I couldn't speak, his aura was too overwhelming.

"I really am starting to think that one of your desired fantasies is to have sex in the medical bay, Shepard…" He shot me a wink, and began tickling my sides.

"No no no no no nooo! Stop, Kaidan, please pleeease stop!" He didn't, in between my laughter and squirming I managed to wrap my legs around his waist and fling him underneath me, quickly switching positions. His face lightened with excitement, like a kid getting a lollipop, I giggled at this observation and proceeded to take off his shirt.

"Well I can't help when the love of my life is so damn irresistible…"

I leaned in closer to his face and placed my lips on his neck. Slowly kissing my way down his jaw-line and finally to his lips. His lips felt luscious, smooth, they flowed with mine like water down a stream. I couldn't get enough of him; I would never be able to get over his taste, peppermint with a hint of musky cologne.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, he leaned out of my kiss and slowly pushed me off of him. Confusion graced my face as I slid off and sat leaning against one of the medical beds. I searched his face for an answer to my confusion, but got nothing. He had his all too familiar blank façade on and there was no way for me to dissect and interpret what was going on in his mind.

He slowly sat up, reached over where his shirt laid and began putting it back on. Carefully maneuvering his eyes away from my questioning gaze, I couldn't take the silence any longer but when I tried speaking nothing seemed to form, shock and confusion had the best of me.

"Uhh…" was all I could muster out as my response.

Kaidan was already on his feet and beginning to sink back into what he was previously doing before I rudely bumped into him. _I don't understand, doesn't he want me as much as I want him?_ _Or what I did to him has hurt him too much that he can't even make love with me anymore?_ I tried the speaking thing once more, this time with better luck.

"So, I uh, am I supposed to know what exactly just happened here? I mean, what was that? Is there something wrong? I thought, I thought that was going somewhere."

Nothing, not a single word, or movement from him, I was beginning to worry. I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Kaidan, talk to me, tell what's wrong, you know you can trust me right?"

"Shepard, please… just, just leave me alone for now."

"Excuse me? Wh-leave you alone? I-I don't think I understand. Did I do something wrong?"

Kaidan turned around faster than my mind could comprehend and walked over to the AI core, stopped and swiftly turned to face me. He waited, and it seemed like he was contemplating, analyzing what he should and should not say to me. He was hesitant, on guard even, almost like he was protecting himself from me.

"Shepard, what do you want me to say? I forgive you, and I want things to go back to normal again? I-I just can't, I can't do that. I thought I was over what happened, but kissing you hurts. When I know it shouldn't, I don't want it to, but there's no denying that it does. And I just, I just don't know why." He glanced down at his now fidgeting hands. "I mean, two years… two years and you show up just like those two years never happened. I-I just…"

Pain crossed his face and I realized that he wasn't as strong as he made himself appear to be. He was broken, into a million pieces, and I, me, the former love of his life did this to him. He never deserved what I put him through.

I took a step closer to him. "But, Kaidan, we're here together, now. We can talk about this and try to sort things out. I-I love you."

"Shepard, please… Don't. I'm glad that I am here working alongside you again, and that you are healthy and alive, but I, I just need time to situate myself to this situation. I'm sorry Shepard. I didn't think this would happen. I, I'm sorry…" he kept his gaze low to the ground, carefully avoiding my eyes. I noticed a tear slip off of his face and land on the floor. I couldn't take seeing him in so much pain; I hesitantly began to slowly walk towards him.

He never moved, just stood there in deep thought. Once I reached him, he realized how close I was to him and finally looked up into my eyes. More tears began to form; I placed a hand on his cheek as I wiped away a streak of wetness from his face. He began to register what was going on and blinked back the tears. He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm before letting it go and walking away from me. I heard the door behind me swoosh open followed by a swooshing sound indicating I was left alone in the now dark and cold room simply with my thoughts. I stood their frozen replaying what just happened in my mind, over and over, analyzing every small detail. Wondering what could have triggered the automatic shift in emotion, but I came up with absolutely no conclusion. Left here in udder disdain, I decided that heading up to see Joker would be a great distraction. And who knows, he could have been spying on us and would want to know what exactly this latest twist with Kaidan's emotions was.

* * *

><p>As I exited the med bay and made my way towards the elevator, I saw no sign of Kaidan anywhere. I got a little nervous, but ultimately was too annoyed to care at the moment. My mission was to get to the cockpit so I could check up on our situation on the arrival time. I turned the corner and entered into the empty elevator. I sank into the corner; I began to remember the night before Ilos and how much that meant to me, how much it meant to the both of us. Everything then was so simple and easy, I longed for that feeling. The feeling of knowing exactly what I have and what I needed to do, and now I feel so lost and confused about everything. The Reapers are coming and I am chasing leads trying to find my captured crewmember while juggling another one that is on the verge of destroying everything I have fought for. <em>God couldn't I just have one simple straight forward task?<em> _No, I have to have the most complicated of the complicated tasks. _

"Ughhhh! I can't handle this anymore! The stress is killing me!"

Saying it out loud didn't help much, it just made me realize how weak and tired I have gotten. Now I have no one to go to for support. My anchor can no longer be there for me. He's detached himself from me and I don't know how long I can manage to stay grounded. The elevator slowed to a stop and I began to pick myself up, rolled back my shoulders, held my head high and proceeded out of the elevator towards the front of the Normandy. As I made my way past the Navigation map, I realized just how quite and empty the room felt. Everyone was either still asleep or on the verge of waking up. After all it was only 0500 hours.

As I neared closer to the cockpit I heard Joker talking to someone. _Who else is awake this early in the morning?_ I got as close as I could without alarming the two into silence.

"Kaidan…" I quickly covered up my mouth with both hands like a little kid who accidentally spoke a little too loud during a hid and seek game.

"Did you hear something?" Kaidan's voice sounded a bit on edge.

"Me, nah nothing. You really should try and get some sleep Alenko, you look awful. And now you're starting to hear voices! I think you might be going crazy!"

I heard a light thud, followed by some whining from Joker. I giggle to myself. _You deserved that one bud._ They went back to their conversation.

"I-I just don't know what's wrong with me, I have her in my reach, and now for some reason, it feels wrong. Like, like I'm not supposed to have her. She died Joker. I don't think I am over that, even after Horizon, and what I said, and all of the dwelling I spent after that encounter. I still can't get over the fact that she was gone for two years. Is that wrong? Am I overreacting?" I could hear the raw emotion in his voice and it stung. I wanted so badly to pop out of hiding and just comfort him. But I needed to give him space and let him deal with this on his own, regretfully.

"Kaidan, I don't know what happened, or what she did to create this brick wall between the two of you, but take it from her perspective. She died, got spaced. Two years later she wakes up alive on a medical table, which was run and operated by Cerberus. We came to the Citadel first thing when she got control of the Normandy, she tried getting their help, joining them, but Anderson stonewalled her. He wouldn't even tell her where you were. She felt hopeless, even if she didn't admit to it, I could see it by the way she carried herself. She wanted nothing than to find you Kaidan. If the Collectors were such a huge threat she would have said fuck you to the Illusive Man, taken the new Normandy, kicked off Miranda and Jacob, and made her way to find you."

He paused, took in a deep breath before continuing.

"The bottom line is, she needs you Kaidan, and from the looks of it, you need her too. I'm not saying to go back to how things were on the first Normandy, hell; those times were innocent compared to how rough things are now. But just take into consideration the situation you two are in, and try to work things out with her. Don't keep her on the sidelines, because she won't wait there forever."

"I know, I know, that's the hard part, I know she would have dropped everything for me if she had the chance. The problem is that those two years changed everything for me. I wasn't myself then, and the things I did, said, scared me. I don't know how or what I would do if I lost her a second time. I honestly do not think I could handle it another time. I-I huh, I can't even imagine…"

"Shepard! Good morning! What are you doing crouched up against the wall like that Commander?" Kelly stood innocently behind me, rocking back and forth on her feet. Not noticing what exactly I was doing.

_Shit!_

"I- uh, uhm…" I could feel my face turning bright red, along with the sound of footsteps coming down from the cockpit.

"Oh, good morning Staff Lieutenant Alenko, have a rough time sleeping last night?"

I was still crouched up against the wall, when Kaidan approached us. I was frozen in utter shock from being caught eaves dropping. I gave him a sweet innocent smile. His gaze was emotionless as he glanced down at me. He reached out his hand to help me get up. I hesitantly took it.

Completely ignoring Kelly's comment he graciously pulled me up and held me until I was steady enough to stand on my own. He held eye contact with me for a minute longer before letting me go. His eyes screamed out to me, wanting so much to just remain in my arms.

"Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!"

"Kelly, don't you have something you have to be doing right now?" Completely annoyed by her fake cheery mood this morning, all I wanted was for her to get out of me face.

"Uh, yes, sorry Commander." With that she swiftly turned around and headed towards her post.

I made my way up towards Joker, who by now was deep into his work. He heard me approaching and tilted his head back towards me.

"Hey, Commander! You know, eaves's dropping on conversations is very rude, didn't your mother ever teach you that?"

"I wasn't… I didn't. Huh, I don't have to explain myself to you…"

"Mhmm, well, you here for something? You don't want to have a heartfelt conversation like Alenko, do you? Because I think I've reached my limit of inspiring and helpful things to say. I never knew it could take a lot out of you."

"No Joker, I am not. I was just wondering what our ETA is for Omega."

"Oh, right, we should be arriving in an hour."

"Perfect. Tell Alenko and Garrus to start preparing."

"Of course Commander."


End file.
